Monday, August 3 — Weekend passed with no sign of engagement ceremony. BADDaSS begins planning of illegal interrogation techniques. Official request to halt in all communications, wedding planning until engagement process initiated, defiance strategy.
1700 hours — Informant reports Satan’s minion makes formal agreement to cover expenses for rehearsal dinner, monetary gift for wedding. Suspicions rise at BADDaSS headquarters, obvious ulterior motive in question. Classified staff seeks additional information on informant’s meeting with SM. BADDaSS warns informant of possible undisclosed stipulations. First born child not of consideration in contractual agreement. BADDaSS wary of SM motives, low level alert to continue throughout remaining bridal process.
1800 hours — After extensive interrogation, informant reveals SM entered lower level lair without permission, demanded viewing of Aquastone. Informant admits to fulfilling demands. BADDaSS requests concealment of Aquastone to prevent further tampering, sabotage from illicit fitting on SM’s person. BADDaSS learns SM’s purchase of informant’s ocular gear due to guilty conscience upon seeing Aquastone. BADDaSS classified staff vows SM will not look upon Aquastone again for past treachery.
Wednesday, August 5 — BADDaSS initiates Operation White Wedding, objective — to mend ongoing turmoil between bride and Satan’s minion for the sake of avoiding altercation or imprisonment for bloodshed, possible strangulation.
1600 hours — SM enters upper-level lair during congenial discussion with future in-laws. Wary of SM’s presence, but maintain position without immediate compulsion for strike. SM does not show signs of remorse, no desire to approach for peacekeeping session. BADDaSS declares immediate withdrawal due to strange behavior after two months of no contact.
1620 hours — BADDaSS interrogates informant upon reaching lower-level lair. Informant reveals that SM showed physical signs of relief upon seeing me in close proximity. Questions why SM lacked initiative to begin peacekeeping session. Informant at a loss for explanation. Daily updates on SM behavior requested for success of Operation White Wedding.
Thursday, August 6 — Informant arrives at location of employment with floral décor for recognition of 16-month anniversary. Thoughtful action provokes pardon from BADDaSS for delay in engagement.
Saturday, August 8 — Informant requests official title within BADDaSS, declares obvious title to be “uncool.” Informant self-administers title of Special Tactics and Reconnaissance, codename SPECTRE. BADDaSS classified staff approves informant’s codename with annotation on personal file that informant has not, nor is anticipated to live up to performance expectations in either title. No compensation increase granted upon official standing in BADDaSS. BADDaSS classified staff considers using unofficial title of Lackey while not in informant’s presence. Several staff members scoff at informant’s self-proclaimed title as it does not coincide with titles of other BADDaSS operatives. Informant kept unaware of criticism of obvious testosterone-fueled maneuver.
8.26.2009
8.17.2009
Week Seven
Monday, July 27 — Informant reveals Satan's minion inquiry, "why is she avoiding me?" Informant lacked wherewithal to give accurate response to SM during cornering procedure. BADDaSS classified staff extremely disappointed. Staff issues warning that BADDaSS will not confront SM regarding various personal issues, cites informant as responsible for correspondence with his familial relations in such matters. Informant fails to respond. BADDaSS hackles raised. Demands informant to acknowledge obligations, receives lackadaisical response. BADDaSS considers warrant for informant's arrest on charges of obstruction of justice and negligence in the face of slander. Possible Code Yellow.
Thursday, July 30 — BADDaSS escorts Mother, aka President of the Unified and Symbiotic Honorary Youngsters, codename PUSHY, to Kansas City, Missouri area for outing, bridal excursion. Inquiry regarding ongoing situation with Satan's minion, Operation Mother-Outlaw. PUSHY releases recommendations for peaceful resolution. Classified staff only — PUSHY recommends allowing SM within personal perimeter to commence discussions. Cite embarrassing comments as reason for avoidance, and exit lair immediately before SM seeks confrontation or sympathy for "wrong doing." BADDaSS encouraged by recommendation, classified staff to review strategy in entirety before approval.
1000 hours — Arrive at fabric store for Operation Satin, discover fabric of considerably close color to Nazi regime sash fatigue. Turkish fabric consultant extremely helpful in sizing material, aggressive on selling points. Obtain swatches of primary sash color, complementary color for Merry Gang. Escape despite oppressive pity party from consultant for failure to purchase immediately.
1300 hours — Enter footwear store in Slipper search. Unsuccessful venture.
1330 — Enter second footwear store in Slipper search. Also unsuccessful. BADDaSS and PUSHY begin to feel irate concerning seemingly nonexistent Slipper.
1800 hours — Travel to abode of eldest kinswoman and personal attendant, aka Formal Interceptor for Relief of Stress and Tension, codename FIRST. FIRST reviews sash swatch color combination, imparts informal approval. Sigh of relief at BADDaSS headquarters. FIRST requests assignment to Operation Satin, obtains partial swatch for independent search. Divulges information concerning several area fatigue stores as possible locations to extract perfect match for sash. BADDaSS considers FIRST for company payroll, annotates on personnel profile as persistent, hardworking, thorough personality type. Possible redirection of informant's compensation to FIRST, due to lack of performance. Informant dangerously close to complete replacement in all company departments.
Friday, July 31 — Contact Sissy en route to abode of Matron of Honor, type 2, codename Cutie Pie. Reveal PUSHY recommendations for easement of Mother-Outlaw situation. Discuss concerns of possible faulty strategy. Sissy's recommendations: Allow SM to enter personal perimeter to commence discussions. If questioned on recent behavior, cite specific insults of engagement sabotage, character assassination of myself, informant as reason for behavior modification. Sissy DOES NOT recommend objecting to embarrassing remarks by SM as avenue for avoiding real issue at hand to save time, energy, face. Highly recommends accepting apology if offered at time of peace negotiations. BADDaSS hesitantly agrees with Sissy's recommendations. Remarks noted that apology will most likely not be offered due to personality disorder. BADDaSS classified staff remains skeptical, but accepts Sissy's recommendations as course of future action.
1100 hours — Arrive at Cutie Pie's abode. Discuss Sissy's recommendations for Mother-Outlaw proceedings. Cutie Pie gives 10-4 on strategy, seconds decision to pursue opportunity for apology. Cutie Pie aghast at summation of SM's behavior to date. Notes SM acting insensitively. Discussions halted by cuteness of Cutie Pie heir, codename Peanut Butter Cup, during photograph session.
Saturday, August 1 — Notify informant of consultations, executive decision to resume limited behavior in company of SM, will not engage SM in conversation unless approached. Informant seems skeptically optimistic about a possible end to Operation Mother-Outlaw. Possible rolling of eyes. Informant very close to green light operation.
Thursday, July 30 — BADDaSS escorts Mother, aka President of the Unified and Symbiotic Honorary Youngsters, codename PUSHY, to Kansas City, Missouri area for outing, bridal excursion. Inquiry regarding ongoing situation with Satan's minion, Operation Mother-Outlaw. PUSHY releases recommendations for peaceful resolution. Classified staff only — PUSHY recommends allowing SM within personal perimeter to commence discussions. Cite embarrassing comments as reason for avoidance, and exit lair immediately before SM seeks confrontation or sympathy for "wrong doing." BADDaSS encouraged by recommendation, classified staff to review strategy in entirety before approval.
1000 hours — Arrive at fabric store for Operation Satin, discover fabric of considerably close color to Nazi regime sash fatigue. Turkish fabric consultant extremely helpful in sizing material, aggressive on selling points. Obtain swatches of primary sash color, complementary color for Merry Gang. Escape despite oppressive pity party from consultant for failure to purchase immediately.
1300 hours — Enter footwear store in Slipper search. Unsuccessful venture.
1330 — Enter second footwear store in Slipper search. Also unsuccessful. BADDaSS and PUSHY begin to feel irate concerning seemingly nonexistent Slipper.
1800 hours — Travel to abode of eldest kinswoman and personal attendant, aka Formal Interceptor for Relief of Stress and Tension, codename FIRST. FIRST reviews sash swatch color combination, imparts informal approval. Sigh of relief at BADDaSS headquarters. FIRST requests assignment to Operation Satin, obtains partial swatch for independent search. Divulges information concerning several area fatigue stores as possible locations to extract perfect match for sash. BADDaSS considers FIRST for company payroll, annotates on personnel profile as persistent, hardworking, thorough personality type. Possible redirection of informant's compensation to FIRST, due to lack of performance. Informant dangerously close to complete replacement in all company departments.
Friday, July 31 — Contact Sissy en route to abode of Matron of Honor, type 2, codename Cutie Pie. Reveal PUSHY recommendations for easement of Mother-Outlaw situation. Discuss concerns of possible faulty strategy. Sissy's recommendations: Allow SM to enter personal perimeter to commence discussions. If questioned on recent behavior, cite specific insults of engagement sabotage, character assassination of myself, informant as reason for behavior modification. Sissy DOES NOT recommend objecting to embarrassing remarks by SM as avenue for avoiding real issue at hand to save time, energy, face. Highly recommends accepting apology if offered at time of peace negotiations. BADDaSS hesitantly agrees with Sissy's recommendations. Remarks noted that apology will most likely not be offered due to personality disorder. BADDaSS classified staff remains skeptical, but accepts Sissy's recommendations as course of future action.
1100 hours — Arrive at Cutie Pie's abode. Discuss Sissy's recommendations for Mother-Outlaw proceedings. Cutie Pie gives 10-4 on strategy, seconds decision to pursue opportunity for apology. Cutie Pie aghast at summation of SM's behavior to date. Notes SM acting insensitively. Discussions halted by cuteness of Cutie Pie heir, codename Peanut Butter Cup, during photograph session.
Saturday, August 1 — Notify informant of consultations, executive decision to resume limited behavior in company of SM, will not engage SM in conversation unless approached. Informant seems skeptically optimistic about a possible end to Operation Mother-Outlaw. Possible rolling of eyes. Informant very close to green light operation.
Week Six
Monday, July 20 — Database search reveals footwear fatigues camouflaged with gemstones. Located in United Kingdom. Enemy territory. Valued at over 1,000 USD. BADDaSS acknowledges footwear to correlate with Theme, approves Operation DIY, agents begin database search for codename Slipper. Objective — undermine enemy monopoly on highly overrated footwear fatigue.
2000 hours — No sign of Aquastone. Patience even thinner.
1100 hours — Receive communications from Fiesta contact. BADDaSS notified, stand down initiated. Preliminary view of hub blueprints. Satisfactory rating. Immediate inquiry posted regarding concern for cake, bar table sizes.
Tuesday, July 21 — Operation DIY agents continue search for Slipper. White satin 4-inch closed-, round-toed pumps found to be rarity. BADDaSS eyebrows raised at revelation. Requests further investigation.
Wednesday, July 22 — Search continues for Slipper. Unsuccessful. BADDaSS requests immediate update on Aquastone situation. Frustration mounts at headquarters.
Thursday, July 23 — Agents express disbelief, irritation as Slipper search continues. Cite idiotic situation as futile effort. BADDaSS commands agents to remain on Slipper detail. Search for Slipper gemstones finds success. Database site noted for future reference. BADDaSS relieved at reasonable gemstone expense. Hearty laugh in face of UK enemies.
1400 hours — Following BADDaSS classified staff meeting, agents instructed to limit Slipper search for time being. Operation DIY to commence at full scope during autumn wedding season, hopes of more numerous Slippers at that time.
Saturday, July 25 — Aquastone MIA. BADDaSS begins plot to overthrow informant and engagement ceremony to secure Aquastone. Considers contacting jeweler to learn of completion date of diamond ring, codename Girl's Best Friend, before informant becomes aware of dethroning in progress. Waiting approval.
1800 hours — Informant senses uprising, quickly takes offensive position, requests meeting with BADDaSS. Discloses information on reasons for halted engagement ceremony, cites recent incidents of sensitive nature as inappropriate timing for jubilant ceremony. BADDaSS acknowledges informant's disclosure as factual. Mutual verbal agreement to allow informant to choose moment for engagement at his discretion.
2000 hours — No sign of Aquastone. Patience even thinner.
1100 hours — Receive communications from Fiesta contact. BADDaSS notified, stand down initiated. Preliminary view of hub blueprints. Satisfactory rating. Immediate inquiry posted regarding concern for cake, bar table sizes.
Tuesday, July 21 — Operation DIY agents continue search for Slipper. White satin 4-inch closed-, round-toed pumps found to be rarity. BADDaSS eyebrows raised at revelation. Requests further investigation.
Wednesday, July 22 — Search continues for Slipper. Unsuccessful. BADDaSS requests immediate update on Aquastone situation. Frustration mounts at headquarters.
Thursday, July 23 — Agents express disbelief, irritation as Slipper search continues. Cite idiotic situation as futile effort. BADDaSS commands agents to remain on Slipper detail. Search for Slipper gemstones finds success. Database site noted for future reference. BADDaSS relieved at reasonable gemstone expense. Hearty laugh in face of UK enemies.
1400 hours — Following BADDaSS classified staff meeting, agents instructed to limit Slipper search for time being. Operation DIY to commence at full scope during autumn wedding season, hopes of more numerous Slippers at that time.
Saturday, July 25 — Aquastone MIA. BADDaSS begins plot to overthrow informant and engagement ceremony to secure Aquastone. Considers contacting jeweler to learn of completion date of diamond ring, codename Girl's Best Friend, before informant becomes aware of dethroning in progress. Waiting approval.
1800 hours — Informant senses uprising, quickly takes offensive position, requests meeting with BADDaSS. Discloses information on reasons for halted engagement ceremony, cites recent incidents of sensitive nature as inappropriate timing for jubilant ceremony. BADDaSS acknowledges informant's disclosure as factual. Mutual verbal agreement to allow informant to choose moment for engagement at his discretion.
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