Week Seven

Monday, July 27 — Informant reveals Satan's minion inquiry, "why is she avoiding me?" Informant lacked wherewithal to give accurate response to SM during cornering procedure. BADDaSS classified staff extremely disappointed. Staff issues warning that BADDaSS will not confront SM regarding various personal issues, cites informant as responsible for correspondence with his familial relations in such matters. Informant fails to respond. BADDaSS hackles raised. Demands informant to acknowledge obligations, receives lackadaisical response. BADDaSS considers warrant for informant's arrest on charges of obstruction of justice and negligence in the face of slander. Possible Code Yellow.

Thursday, July 30 — BADDaSS escorts Mother, aka President of the Unified and Symbiotic Honorary Youngsters, codename PUSHY, to Kansas City, Missouri area for outing, bridal excursion. Inquiry regarding ongoing situation with Satan's minion, Operation Mother-Outlaw. PUSHY releases recommendations for peaceful resolution. Classified staff only — PUSHY recommends allowing SM within personal perimeter to commence discussions. Cite embarrassing comments as reason for avoidance, and exit lair immediately before SM seeks confrontation or sympathy for "wrong doing." BADDaSS encouraged by recommendation, classified staff to review strategy in entirety before approval.

1000 hours — Arrive at fabric store for Operation Satin, discover fabric of considerably close color to Nazi regime sash fatigue. Turkish fabric consultant extremely helpful in sizing material, aggressive on selling points. Obtain swatches of primary sash color, complementary color for Merry Gang. Escape despite oppressive pity party from consultant for failure to purchase immediately.

1300 hours — Enter footwear store in Slipper search. Unsuccessful venture.

1330 — Enter second footwear store in Slipper search. Also unsuccessful. BADDaSS and PUSHY begin to feel irate concerning seemingly nonexistent Slipper.

1800 hours — Travel to abode of eldest kinswoman and personal attendant, aka Formal Interceptor for Relief of Stress and Tension, codename FIRST. FIRST reviews sash swatch color combination, imparts informal approval. Sigh of relief at BADDaSS headquarters. FIRST requests assignment to Operation Satin, obtains partial swatch for independent search. Divulges information concerning several area fatigue stores as possible locations to extract perfect match for sash. BADDaSS considers FIRST for company payroll, annotates on personnel profile as persistent, hardworking, thorough personality type. Possible redirection of informant's compensation to FIRST, due to lack of performance. Informant dangerously close to complete replacement in all company departments.

Friday, July 31 — Contact Sissy en route to abode of Matron of Honor, type 2, codename Cutie Pie. Reveal PUSHY recommendations for easement of Mother-Outlaw situation. Discuss concerns of possible faulty strategy. Sissy's recommendations: Allow SM to enter personal perimeter to commence discussions. If questioned on recent behavior, cite specific insults of engagement sabotage, character assassination of myself, informant as reason for behavior modification. Sissy DOES NOT recommend objecting to embarrassing remarks by SM as avenue for avoiding real issue at hand to save time, energy, face. Highly recommends accepting apology if offered at time of peace negotiations. BADDaSS hesitantly agrees with Sissy's recommendations. Remarks noted that apology will most likely not be offered due to personality disorder. BADDaSS classified staff remains skeptical, but accepts Sissy's recommendations as course of future action.

1100 hours — Arrive at Cutie Pie's abode. Discuss Sissy's recommendations for Mother-Outlaw proceedings. Cutie Pie gives 10-4 on strategy, seconds decision to pursue opportunity for apology. Cutie Pie aghast at summation of SM's behavior to date. Notes SM acting insensitively. Discussions halted by cuteness of Cutie Pie heir, codename Peanut Butter Cup, during photograph session.

Saturday, August 1 — Notify informant of consultations, executive decision to resume limited behavior in company of SM, will not engage SM in conversation unless approached. Informant seems skeptically optimistic about a possible end to Operation Mother-Outlaw. Possible rolling of eyes. Informant very close to green light operation.