Sunday, June 21 — 0700 hours, continue research into Operation Little Flower, Big Wheel. Confused by lack of organization on digital blueprints. Attribute to inferior human intelligence. Location — New Jersey.
Mother uses words "do you really need that" "unnecessary," "when your father and I got married." Uprising quelled with lengthy evil glance. No further resistance anticipated.
Sleepless night. Wake from fitful dreams. Flashes of hydrangeas, tulle, manicured claws and red, piercing eyes. Sweating profusely. Dog watches me cautiously from end of bed, glances several times at door.
Monday, June 22 — Operation Little Flower, Big Wheel contact from New Jersey speaks gibberish. Too fast for human comprehension. Strange dialect. Code Green. Centerpieces depend on ability of coercion to speak English language. Confirm former concerns of inferior intelligence.
Tuesday, June 23 — Tent representative MIA. Still awaiting completion of guest list from Satan's minion. Operation Mother Outlaw in full effect. Avoiding all contact to lessen poisoning of jubilant atmosphere.
Operation at 1800 hours — Code 10-14 AWOL. SM aware of my presence at lair's gate. Successful entrance, lacks interaction, conflict.
1810 hours — Receive SM's guest list documentation from informant. Emergency meeting, classified staff only. Final approval of document granted, lacks civilian excesses. Stand down ordered.
1820 hours — Informant reveals SM's contempt for finalized wedding party, codename Gang. SM requests heirs for delivery of titanium shipment during ceremony, codename Merry. SM accuses treason. Operation Mother Outlaw initiated. Code 10-34. Man all battle stations. High alert.
1900 hours — Lair exit strategy successful. Maintain high alert. Standby.
1940 hours — Secure communications, learn of SM's gathering, scheduled 1700 hours 25.6.2009. Suspicion tainted, poisoned rations. Possible 10-90. Emergency meeting, classified staff only. Will notify SM through informant of absence - mandatory shift. Crisis averted.
Wednesday, June 24 — Informant reveals SM disposed of personal rations in upper level lair. Noting as standard behavior. Possible backlash from codename Merry Gang conflict. Starvation until departure of lower level hellpit and outlying areas. Immediate response from BADDaSS requested.
Thursday, June 25 — Discover guest citations in ancient scroll type. Further investigation required. Continued radio silence from tent representative. Aggravation takes hold as planning process halts. Must contact tent representative, codename Fiesta, at any cost.
Saturday, June 27 - Informant displays annoying indifference toward ceremonial glasses, cutlery. Placed in strategic mental choke hold until agreeable in nature. Discover photograph relic in pumpkin coach design, codename Theme. Note - progressive connection of Theme in codename Merry and central hub. Fiesta contact continues radio silence. Greenlit.
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Persons of interest
- The Bride
- The Groom — codename SPECTRE, Special Tactics and Reconnaisance, aka the informant
- The Mother — codename PUSHY, President of the Unified and Symbiotic Honorary Youngsters
- The Father
- The Matron of Honor — type 1, codename Sissy
- The Matron of Honor — type 2, codename Cutie Pie
- The Personal Attendant — codename FIRST, Formal Interceptor for Relief of Stress and Tension
- The Mother-in-law — codename Satan's minion
- The Tent Guy
- The Centerpiece Contact
- The Florist
- The Rations Provider
- The Jeweler
- The DJ
- The Baker
CLASSIFIED STAFF ONLY — Codename report
- Aquastone — gemstone engagement ring
- Girl's Best Friend — diamond wedding ring
- Slipper — ceremony footwear
- Central hub — ceremony, reception location
- Paperball — paper lantern decor
- Brooch — gemstone pin for The Bride and Merry Gang
- Theme — Happily Ever After paraphernalia, decor
- Fiesta — tent reception
- Merry — wedding ceremony
- Gang — wedding party
- Alleyway — Hobby Lobby department store
- Michaelangelo — Michael's department store
- BADDaSS — Bridal Aesthetics Department of Defense and State Security
Emergency codes
- 10-30 — Does not conform to rules or regulations
- 10-4 — acknowledgement
- Code Yellow — Dead on arrival
- 10-89 — Caution
- 10-37 — No rush
- Green light, Greenlit — hit approved
- 10-22 — Disregard
- Code Blue — Cardiac arrest
- Code Green — Psychiatric
- MIA — Missing in action
- AWOL — Away without official leave
- 10-14 — Convoy or escort
- 10-34 — Trouble at _ , all units respond
- 10-90 — Crime in progress
Operations in effect
- Operation Indian Giver — objective, to appeal to SPECTRE's sympathies for approval to keep and wear ring until wedding ceremony — full effect
- Operation White Wedding — objective, to mend ongoing turmoil between bride and Satan’s minion for the sake of avoiding altercation or imprisonment for bloodshed, possible strangulation — terminated
- Operation DIY — objective, to undermine enemy monopoly on highly overrated footwear fatigue by self-assembly — in effect, periodical updates
- Operation Satin — objective, to locate less expensive sash fatigue materials — full effect
- Operation Aquastone — objective, to recover engagement gemstone ring from informant — full effect
- Operation Amethyst — objective, to locate gems for female officials in Merry Gang — temporary termination
- Operation Ancestor — classified staff only — waiting final transaction
- Operation Glitz — objective, to locate gems for Merry fatigues — temporary termination
- Operation Little Flower, Big Wheel — objective, to obtain centerpieces reflecting theme, flower decor — postponed
- Operation Mother Outlaw — objective, to extract future mother-in-law from bridal process — full effect, high alert
Followers
Holy God. I almost passed out from lack of oxygen from laughing so hard while I was reading this. I sure do hope that your wedding plans are not actually as bad as this seems! You sure do have a gift, Katy. I hope you take it far someday!
ReplyDeleteTricia told her to put them in a book someday...I think she should too.
ReplyDelete