Monday, July 13 — Have yet to receive Aquastone. BADDaSS patiently waiting for engagement ceremony. Close surveillance of informant for indication of engagement preparations.
Tuesday, July 14 — Still no Aquastone.
Wednesday, July 15 — Meeting with rations provider. Informant present. Discuss necessary rations. Informant agreeable in nature to suggestions. Meeting executed in civilized manner. Rations provider of excellent quality, congenial. Informant temporarily forgiven for good behavior.
Thursday, July 16 — Concern mounts for continued radio silence from Fiesta headquarters. BADDaSS restless, posts correspondence, awaiting reply. Still no Aquastone. BADDaSS requires explanation from informant on condition of halted engagement process. Eyes informant warily before exiting lair with ominous threat of disfiguration.
1600 hours — Research paper lanterns for hub decor. BADDaSS approves operation with eager anticipation.
Saturday, July 18 — Have yet to receive Aquastone. Patience at BADDaSS headquarters growing thin.
2000 hours — Several Merry Gang members converge for local celebration. Unexpected reunion with former beau causes tension among ranks. Informant expresses bad taste in mouth upon forced introduction. BADDaSS releases apology, cites total ignorance of former beau's recreational plans in area. Requests informant's cooperation in not making a big deal out of it. Merry Gang members avoid discussing situation so as not to further incite informant's extreme jealousy. BADDaSS commences close observation of informant throughout remaining celebration events. Code 10-89.
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Persons of interest
- The Bride
- The Groom — codename SPECTRE, Special Tactics and Reconnaisance, aka the informant
- The Mother — codename PUSHY, President of the Unified and Symbiotic Honorary Youngsters
- The Father
- The Matron of Honor — type 1, codename Sissy
- The Matron of Honor — type 2, codename Cutie Pie
- The Personal Attendant — codename FIRST, Formal Interceptor for Relief of Stress and Tension
- The Mother-in-law — codename Satan's minion
- The Tent Guy
- The Centerpiece Contact
- The Florist
- The Rations Provider
- The Jeweler
- The DJ
- The Baker
CLASSIFIED STAFF ONLY — Codename report
- Aquastone — gemstone engagement ring
- Girl's Best Friend — diamond wedding ring
- Slipper — ceremony footwear
- Central hub — ceremony, reception location
- Paperball — paper lantern decor
- Brooch — gemstone pin for The Bride and Merry Gang
- Theme — Happily Ever After paraphernalia, decor
- Fiesta — tent reception
- Merry — wedding ceremony
- Gang — wedding party
- Alleyway — Hobby Lobby department store
- Michaelangelo — Michael's department store
- BADDaSS — Bridal Aesthetics Department of Defense and State Security
Emergency codes
- 10-30 — Does not conform to rules or regulations
- 10-4 — acknowledgement
- Code Yellow — Dead on arrival
- 10-89 — Caution
- 10-37 — No rush
- Green light, Greenlit — hit approved
- 10-22 — Disregard
- Code Blue — Cardiac arrest
- Code Green — Psychiatric
- MIA — Missing in action
- AWOL — Away without official leave
- 10-14 — Convoy or escort
- 10-34 — Trouble at _ , all units respond
- 10-90 — Crime in progress
Operations in effect
- Operation Indian Giver — objective, to appeal to SPECTRE's sympathies for approval to keep and wear ring until wedding ceremony — full effect
- Operation White Wedding — objective, to mend ongoing turmoil between bride and Satan’s minion for the sake of avoiding altercation or imprisonment for bloodshed, possible strangulation — terminated
- Operation DIY — objective, to undermine enemy monopoly on highly overrated footwear fatigue by self-assembly — in effect, periodical updates
- Operation Satin — objective, to locate less expensive sash fatigue materials — full effect
- Operation Aquastone — objective, to recover engagement gemstone ring from informant — full effect
- Operation Amethyst — objective, to locate gems for female officials in Merry Gang — temporary termination
- Operation Ancestor — classified staff only — waiting final transaction
- Operation Glitz — objective, to locate gems for Merry fatigues — temporary termination
- Operation Little Flower, Big Wheel — objective, to obtain centerpieces reflecting theme, flower decor — postponed
- Operation Mother Outlaw — objective, to extract future mother-in-law from bridal process — full effect, high alert
Followers
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