Week Eight

Monday, August 3 — Weekend passed with no sign of engagement ceremony. BADDaSS begins planning of illegal interrogation techniques. Official request to halt in all communications, wedding planning until engagement process initiated, defiance strategy.

1700 hours — Informant reports Satan’s minion makes formal agreement to cover expenses for rehearsal dinner, monetary gift for wedding. Suspicions rise at BADDaSS headquarters, obvious ulterior motive in question. Classified staff seeks additional information on informant’s meeting with SM. BADDaSS warns informant of possible undisclosed stipulations. First born child not of consideration in contractual agreement. BADDaSS wary of SM motives, low level alert to continue throughout remaining bridal process.

1800 hours — After extensive interrogation, informant reveals SM entered lower level lair without permission, demanded viewing of Aquastone. Informant admits to fulfilling demands. BADDaSS requests concealment of Aquastone to prevent further tampering, sabotage from illicit fitting on SM’s person. BADDaSS learns SM’s purchase of informant’s ocular gear due to guilty conscience upon seeing Aquastone. BADDaSS classified staff vows SM will not look upon Aquastone again for past treachery.

Wednesday, August 5 — BADDaSS initiates Operation White Wedding, objective — to mend ongoing turmoil between bride and Satan’s minion for the sake of avoiding altercation or imprisonment for bloodshed, possible strangulation.

1600 hours — SM enters upper-level lair during congenial discussion with future in-laws. Wary of SM’s presence, but maintain position without immediate compulsion for strike. SM does not show signs of remorse, no desire to approach for peacekeeping session. BADDaSS declares immediate withdrawal due to strange behavior after two months of no contact.

1620 hours — BADDaSS interrogates informant upon reaching lower-level lair. Informant reveals that SM showed physical signs of relief upon seeing me in close proximity. Questions why SM lacked initiative to begin peacekeeping session. Informant at a loss for explanation. Daily updates on SM behavior requested for success of Operation White Wedding.

Thursday, August 6 — Informant arrives at location of employment with floral décor for recognition of 16-month anniversary. Thoughtful action provokes pardon from BADDaSS for delay in engagement.

Saturday, August 8 — Informant requests official title within BADDaSS, declares obvious title to be “uncool.” Informant self-administers title of Special Tactics and Reconnaissance, codename SPECTRE. BADDaSS classified staff approves informant’s codename with annotation on personal file that informant has not, nor is anticipated to live up to performance expectations in either title. No compensation increase granted upon official standing in BADDaSS. BADDaSS classified staff considers using unofficial title of Lackey while not in informant’s presence. Several staff members scoff at informant’s self-proclaimed title as it does not coincide with titles of other BADDaSS operatives. Informant kept unaware of criticism of obvious testosterone-fueled maneuver.